Values & Intention
Becoming a professional Dominatrix has been an unexpected, but deeply satisfying process for Myself. Having explored this side of Myself privately in depth, I was both unsurprised and caught off guard at how different professional Domination has felt – in a positive way. It has been incredibly fulfilling to help people navigate fears, explore their pleasure, and to re-write their story with positive associations to release negative emotional, physical and nervous system related patterns.
It has also forced me to consider the motivations I have for this work, and the ways in which I approach it. For me to do this successfully, I need to feel alignment with my values and build relationships with people who see the therapeutic potential and deep fulfilment that can come from submission and the development of a dynamic.
What are my principles?
At the foundation of what I do lie a set of principles/ values, that I need to feel alignment on to want to enthusiastically explore with a new person. I ask that you consider what your own values are – they don’t have to match mine exactly, but they also can’t be antithetical to them, or the potential for harm to either of us will outweigh any potential positives
Authenticity
I will show up as the full version of myself, with an understanding of My own strengths, limits, desires and fears. I will be honest about My capacity.
Curiosity
I approach everything with genuine curiosity, non-judgement and an open mind. I want to understand motivations, fears, insecurity and desire so I can understand how to safely, effectively and enjoyably navigate power exchange with you.
Intention
I approach scene planning with intention – it doesn’t matter whether it is light hedonistic play or intense humiliation & degradation – I will plan sessions to meet the intention you desire, be it pleasure, challenge or repentance.
Autonomy
I believe in bodily autonomy, as well as the right to make and change decisions that affect me. I do not assume rights over the body, mind, lives, finances etc. of anyone unless it has been explicitly agreed.
Informed Consent
I am here to test limits, not boundaries. I will make you informed of the emotional and physical risks of any proposed activities, as well as any contraindications and my level of experience. I need honesty about medical history, experience and emotional states to keep sessions safe and fun for us both.
Embrace the Shadow
I am not afraid to embody the dark, sadistic and cruel sides of myself because I know that I have control over them, and can wield them safely. I do not judge your fear, embarrassment or shame, because I know how all-encompassing it feels – but I have also learned how to push through it. It is only through exploring the challenging parts of ourselves that we can release their control over us – this applies in domination and submission.
Integration
My way of framing aftercare – which can be relegated to ideas of showers, cuddling and lollies. All of these are incredibly important elements of nervous system regulation, but debriefing, follow up and well-planned integration into everyday life are elements which can be neglected. Beyond just avoiding a drop, heavier sessions need to be delivered with purpose & intent beyond the dungeon.
How do I play?
All of my approaches start with an understanding of the underlying motivations – whether someone is seeking pain, pleasure, or purpose through submission. I use a lot of ‘protocol’, which can sound intimidating, however it really refers to establishing expectations. A protocol can be as simple as providing instructions on how to contact Me, or agreeing on titles. High Protocol takes a lot of training, commitment and energy, so it is not something I expect, nor is it something either of us should invest our time in if there isn’t a mutual goal.
In session, I can seem playful, bossy, sensual, cold or stern – I dance between the archetypes of a Dominatrix as I feel I need to embody them for My pleasure, and your motivation. There isn’t “one way” I present in any setting, because to have a rigid version of My Dominant side would be restrictive, inauthentic and ultimately unsatisfying for both of us.
There are differing works that speak to the archetypes and roles of a Dominatrix (see Damiana Chi, Anne O Nomis et al – happy to provide more for the curious). For me, the way they emerge tends to be an interplay between using direction, enticement and energetic approaches, a mix that has developed through a curiousity led, extensive professional and personal background.
Directive
Perhaps the easiest role for me to fall into, my directive nature can be anything from unrelenting (think drill sergeant) through to disciplinarian (chastising boss/ teacher) or supportive (coaching, mentoring, re-parenting). Directive styles tend to work best with those who seek routine, structure, nurturing or clarity. It can be deeply healing to hand yourself over to a higher authority, when that authority is delivered with care and genuine intent. Most of the impact play I do is a dance between directive and enticing, with the play between punishment and reward ever so satisfying for us both. There is both cruelty and kindness in direction, and a lot of potential for growth.
Enticing
Not everyone responds well to direction – for the wrong person this can be hurtful, offensive or just plain unsexy. Where the stick is counterintuitive, the carrot works. I love stepping into the role of the femme fatale. Luring a fly to my web, wrapping them up in my silk, playing with them for my pleasure… and then devouring them. It is worth the risk of the fangs for the feel of being trapped at my mercy. My favourite role to embody the spider is a deviant doctor, but I also deeply relate to the siren who lures innocent sailors to the rocks, or simply a collector who wants you for her chest of interesting and enjoyable toys. I am also just a hedonist at heart – I won’t deny enjoying indulging in pleasure for pleasure’s sake.
Energetic
All of the sessions I do inherently involve a degree of bodywork and energetic play, usually so subtle it isn’t noticed. I find tantric practices fascinating, and the embodiment of the divine to explore the interplay of the feminine and masculine energies deeply rewarding. If it sounds entirely woo woo, that’s completely fine – I don’t seek to embed it with any dogma or ill intent. I have studied and practiced TCM and yoga practices for years, finding them a way to hone the embodied confidence of domination and elicit deep surrender in submissives. For those who want to explore deeper, I offer zensual massages, tantric play and slow, exploratory body work.
Aligning on our principles, and helping me understand the approach that will motivate you best makes the experience far more enjoyable for us both. It is also just a starting point for our exploration – a mystery to be unravelled carefully, enthusiastically and an opportunity for deep mutual satisfaction.
Let’s explore x
